Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Tight Pants, Still No Ass

Those readers who don't know me personally (or IRL) don't know something important about me: I have no ass.

Oh, I don't mean literally. I can sit down and everything. I have a poop-hole. But my ass is just a little thing, an afterthought of phylogeny, really. And, because most of the rest of my body isn't smaller-than-average (get yer mind out of the gutter), my ass sometimes gets left out of some equations altogether.

Take pants. For a long time I have been buying 'relaxed fit' jeans. In part this is because of my belly. In part it's because of my body image issues. But one thing that men with no ass shouldn't do is buy relaxed fit jeans. In them, my little butt disappears altogether. So the other day I bought a pair of jeans that are regular fit. They aren't tight. It's unlikely I'll ever want to wear tight jeans.

All of this has got me thinking about how infinitely complex my body issues are. And by 'infinitely complex,' I don't mean to make a bad fat-guy pun. I'm to the point now that I'm getting toned enough that buying too-loose clothing feels uncomfortable, when it used to feel good in that hiding-a-not-toned-body kind of way. But it really takes some conscious effort for me to feel comfortable in clothing that fits. It feels different; it feels wrong. I suspect it will just take some getting used to.

But more than that, I'm finding that my attitudes towards the bodies of others are changing, too. I look for tone when checking people out. When able, I look for athleticism, though this is harder to spot, really, unless somebody is actually doing something. So my feelings and ideas about the bodies of others are changing, too, and not for the best, I think.

Also, back to my own body for a second: I think there are unhealthy habits I'm cultivating. I dated a woman once who was fairly petite and slim. She would sometimes lament her 'belly'--which almost always was a result of her just having had a meal. I really, really didn't understand this at the time--I tried to empathize, but I just didn't get it. I could only sort of shrug and say, "You just ate. That's your meal in there. There's nothing to be done about that, and nothing should be done about that" or some such.

But now that I'm toned up a bit, I see what she was saying. Now that my belly isn't quite so big, it looks/feels pretty big after I've just had something to eat. Before, I couldn't tell the difference, and now I can. And I'm not particularly happy about that.

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